Enough
by TheTBone
Summary: "I feel nothing. I look at you, and you're nothing. You're just a very sad stranger." Missing scene from "Someone's Little Sister," after Mariana storms out of the apartment. Stef/Mariana bonding. Oneshot.


**Disclaimer: I put The Fosters on my Christmas list, but I don****'****t own it yet.**

"Hey. Uh, come on in," Mike said, opening the door and stepping aside to allow Stef, Mariana, and Jesus to enter his apartment.

Stef shot Mike a meaningful glance before gently ushering her now hesitant children inside. She took a deep breath and reminded herself for what had to have been the thousandth time that day why she was doing this.

When Stef had gotten divorced from Mike she promised herself she would always keep the door between him and Brandon open. And when she and Lena adopted the twins, they decided that they would always keep the option for them to contact their birthparents on the table. While at times it made their lives significantly harder and more complicated, they didn't want to run the risk of having any of the kids grow up and resent them for keeping them away from their biological parents. They couldn't be the cause of any of their regrets just because it made their lives less stressful.

Stef had to tell herself again that this wasn't about her. It was about Mariana and Jesus and their happiness, and if this was what they wanted, she would have to make her peace with it.

But that didn't mean she had to like it.

"Uh, considering everything that's happened, I'd like to be present," she said, directing the demand dressed as a request to Mike.

Mike looked over at Ana awkwardly, obviously distressed at spontaneously being cast as the messenger.

"It's fine," Ana replied without argument, much to everyone's relief. Mike wouldn't have to play peacekeeper, Stef wouldn't have to make a scene, and Mariana and Jesus would have that extra sense of safety that came with Stef being in the room with them.

"I'll be in the other room," Mike said, hastily making his escape, thankful his task was done for the time being

"Okay, sit down," Stef nudged softly, guiding the twins to the couch with a protective hand on their backs.

"You changed your hair," Ana observed, flashing Mariana a smile.

"Oh, uh, yeah," Mariana replied quickly, uncomfortably shifting herself on the sofa.

"It's nice," Ana nodded. The room was overtaken by an uneasy silence as Stef make her way over to the counter in the back of the room. "So, Stef," Ana addressed her in an attempt to get the talk flowing again. "I want to thank you and Lena for allowing me to do this," she said sincerely.

"It was their choice," Stef replied shortly, her voice stiff before turning away.

"Well, thank you," Ana repeated. "I don't really know exactly where to start. I, um…I made an inventory — that's what they call it in AA — it's basically just a list of all the terrible things I did to you, and ways I let you down when you were little and recently."

Mariana's head fell, her gaze focused on her lap. Stef's hand drifted towards her mouth, pushing on her lips and closing her eyes as she braced herself for what was to come.

"It's long," Ana continued. "It's too long. I think what I…what I really want to say…what I'm most ashamed of…is that I loved getting high more than I loved you."

Mariana's breath caught slightly, her heart tearing a little more, though she wasn't sure why. She already knew all of this, of course. Ana's actions showed nothing else. Maybe it was actually hearing it aloud, hearing her own mother say it, that made it hurt so much.

"And it wasn't because you weren't lovable. You were beautiful children who just got a really raw end of the deal with me as your mother. I'm just so grateful that God found you two great moms who could love you and take care of you the way I should have," Ana said, her lip quivering as her breath and voice shook with tears.

She cleared her throat, relieved to have the confession off of her chest as she waited for a response. "So is there anything you want to say to me?" she pushed.

Mariana looked back at Stef for a moment, lost.

"It's okay," Ana said, catching Mariana's hesitation. "You can tell me how you feel," she assured her. "You can be honest. Mariana?"

The younger girl looked up at her, meeting her eyes directly. She swallowed thickly, biting her tongue. The problem was she didn't know exactly _what_ she was feeling. Her mind was jumbled with different emotions: hurt, confusion, anger. She was torn between wanting to cry, run out of the room, and confront Ana right then and there.

"I know you," Ana baited. "I know you must have something you want to say to me."

Mariana narrowed her eyes slightly at her comment. It looked like anger was going to win out.

She scoffed. "You don't know me," she accused evenly. "You don't know anything about me. You want me to be honest?" she asked pointedly, Ana cowering slightly. "I feel nothing. I look at you, and you're nothing. You're just a very sad stranger," she said slowly, clearly annunciating each word. She pushed herself off the couch, walking purposefully towards the door. "I'm done. I'll wait outside," she informed Stef without stopping.

Stef opened her mouth to reply, but couldn't make any words come out. Instead she took a deep breath, looking down at the floor, hearing the door click shut.

Mariana closed the door behind her, running down the stairs until she got to the ground floor. Her heart pounded hard in her chest, her breathing fast from the mixture of emotion and movement. She felt tears burning at her eyes as they darted frantically around, taking in her surroundings. A school, a park, a diner. She wanted to run far away, desperately needing to be anywhere but there. _Now I know how Callie felt_, she thought.

She resisted the urge, however, her legs shaking and burning too much to do her any good anyway. Instead she clutched the cold, metal railing leading up the stairs, trying to calm herself down. Eventually after sucking in some deep breaths, her heartbeat slowed back to normal.

She heard footsteps coming down the stairs behind her, and she made her face stony once again before turning around. She had her moment, and now she would be fine. Just a moment was all she needed. She wouldn't fall apart over Ana — she wasn't worth her tears.

"I'm ready to go home," the younger girl said confidently.

"We will in a minute, love," Stef promised, her voice tired.

"Where's Jesus?" Mariana asked emotionlessly.

"He wanted a second to say goodbye," Stef informed her delicately, pursing her lips.

Mariana scoffed, looking away. "Typical," she spat. The fact that he was still in there felt like yet another betrayal. "I always have to drag him in kicking and screaming, but the minute I want out he can't stay away. He'd always do whatever it took to be her favorite, even though she wasn't worth it. Stupid," she said, outwardly bothered despite wanting to stay nonchalant.

"Hey now, I know you're upset, but that's no way to talk," Stef gently chastised, not able to muster up any real firmness behind the reprimand considering the circumstances. "This affects him too, and you can't blame him for dealing with things differently. Everybody processes things in their own way, in their own time."

Mariana twisted her lips, looking down in shame. She knew in her heart that Stef was right. "Sorry," she mumbled quietly.

"It's all right," Stef assured her. "In the meantime — you know, since we're already both here — let's talk for a minute, yes?" she suggested, reaching out to place a comforting hand on Mariana's back.

"About what?" Mariana asked, moving away from her touch and crossing her arms.

Stef sighed, reluctantly letting her hand fall back down to her side. "Mariana…"

"What? There's seriously nothing to talk about," she said defensively. "She didn't tell me anything new. She didn't say anything that I didn't already know."

Stef cocked her head to the side, flashing her a sympathetic look.

"Well she didn't," Mariana said, angrily knitting her eyebrows at Stef's pity. "So she abandoned me for drugs. Okay. Whatever," she shrugged nonchalantly. "I mean, it's not like it's even a big deal anymore. I'm used to it by now. She was just the first in a long line," she chuckled bitterly, shaking her head. "God, it's like I'm a disease."

"You're not a disease," Stef argued, making another attempt at contact, brushing her shoulder.

"Everybody in my life is exactly the same," Mariana continued, once again promptly ripping herself out of the blonde's hold. "Everyone wants to get as far away from me as possible the second they find their opening. Ana, Lexi, Zac…" she counted them off on her fingers.

"Sweetheart, it's different. You know Lexi and Zac had no choice," she softly countered.

"So? They all left didn't they?" she questioned harshly. "It doesn't matter what reason. They're still not here."

"Mariana, you know that's not fair," she admonished evenly.

"Well screw what's fair!" Mariana raised her voice. Her eyes flashed with frustration and sadness. "When has anything in my life ever been fair? You'd think Lexi's parents would have taken into consideration that Lexi already had a life here before shipping her off to Honduras. You'd think Zac's family could've figured out a way to let him stay with his mom and his friends. And you'd certainly think two toddlers would have been enough for Ana to maybe reconsider getting high every day. But guess what?" she asked rhetorically, getting more worked up and growing more hysterical by the second. "Nobody did think. Of any of that. So yeah, maybe I am being unfair. But can you seriously blame me?" she questioned sharply.

She found herself breathless from the rant, her legs returning to her shaky state, and she gave into them now, sitting down on a cement stair. She swallowed hard, putting her hands on her knees and blinking. Realizing that it had been silent for awhile, and comprehending that she'd just lost it on Stef, her eyes grew wide. She began to open her mouth to apologize, but was silenced as Stef lowered herself to sit next to her. Mariana kept her gaze firmly fixated on the ground, too embarrassed and afraid to look up.

"You're right," Stef said softly, surprising the younger girl.

Mariana turned to look at her. "I am?"

"Yes," Stef nodded slowly, pursing her lips. "You have every right to be angry. I know how hard and frustrating that must have all been for you," she said calmly.

"Yeah, well," Mariana looked away. "It sucked," she said bluntly.

"I can only imagine," Stef replied. The two were engulfed in silence for a few moments before Mariana spoke up again.

"I'm not really mad at Lexi and Zac," she admitted.

"I know."

"But Ana," Mariana shook her head. "How dare she. How dare she say those things to me, act like she knows me. She doesn't care about knowing me. She's never cared about knowing me. You can't just care when it's convenient; that's not how it works," she looked over at Stef.

"You're right," Stef assured her with a nod.

"She's lost all her right to care," Mariana continued. "She's not allowed anymore. Not after she used our food money to buy heroin and sold our stuffed animals to get more booze and left Jesus and me alone on Christmas," she said indignantly.

Stef bit her lip, knowing she had to choose her next words carefully. As much as she hated Ana for everything she did, she didn't necessarily want Mariana to fully share her sentiments. She didn't want her to feel like she had to or even should completely trash her. A little piece of her was inevitably always going to have to be a part of Mariana's life, and she didn't want her feeling pure hatred for it.

"I can't even begin to imagine how awful and scary that must have been for you," she started. "And there is absolutely no excuse for what she did. But baby," she placed a hand on her knee, "you have to understand that those drugs mess with your mind. They make you do things you never thought you were capable of, stoop to levels you never thought you would. That addiction controlled her. She was sick."

"No," Mariana disagreed harshly, jerking her knee from Stef's grip, causing the older woman to sigh at her stubbornness. "She was selfish," Mariana argued. "She just wanted my money so she could buy drugs and now she's just doing this so she can feel better about herself. The only reason she wrote that letter and wanted to see us was so she could check something off her list, put a bandaid on it so she wouldn't have to deal with the real damage. She didn't think about how seeing her would affect us, she only thought about how it would affect her. She's a greedy narcissist. She only thinks about herself, and she only ever has. She's selfish," Mariana said with finality.

As much as Stef wanted to think of some counterargument, she couldn't find the words or the strength. Because the truth was, she agreed with everything Mariana was saying. Ana was selfish, and the thought of her using her children just to better herself made Stef livid.

Her thoughts were cut off by an unexpected sob.

"And I'm scared," Mariana admitted, her voice cracking as a tear ran down her cheek.

"Why, honey?" Stef asked in confusion. She immediately put an arm around the girl, pulling her close, thankful that she didn't resist this time, instead welcoming the embrace and sinking into her side.

"I'm scared because," she winced, her bottom lip shaking. "Because I'm just like her."

"You are nothing like her," Stef said firmly, her heart aching. She ran a soothing hand through her daughter's hair.

"I'm exactly like her," Mariana argued.

"That's not true," Stef disagreed.

"Really?" Mariana shot back, her eyebrows creased in concern. "I stole pills from my own brother; she stole money from her own daughter. She abandoned her kids for drugs, and I abandoned you guys for her. Sounds pretty similar to me," she pointed out.

"Those situations couldn't be farther apart," Stef shook her head with a sad smile. "She did those things because she was thinking about herself. You did them selflessly, to help her," she explained, thumbing a tear off of her cheek. "Your only fault, my sweet girl, is that sometimes your heart is just too big, just like your mama's. And sometimes that big heart of yours can get you into trouble, just like your mom's," she said, drawing a more comforting connection.

Mariana seemed to accept this answer, it putting her slightly more at ease. She nestled closer into Stef, biting her lip and allowing all the thoughts to rush through her head so that she might eventually make sense of them. So she could deal with them one at a time. Her eyes clouded, another wave of emotion crashing through as another realization hit.

"Why weren't we enough for her?" she questioned, her face crumpling, distraught. "Why wasn't _I _enough for her?" she whispered, beginning to surrender to the tears.

"I don't know, baby," Stef admitted. "I don't know," she shook her head, gently rubbing her back as she cried. Mariana's breath hitched, and she leaned in closer to the older woman. Stef took the hint, seamlessly transitioning from stroking her back to tightly wrapping her arms around her. Mariana rested her head on her shoulder, assuaged by the closeness and safety that came with Stef's embrace. Stef softly kissed her forehead before protectively resting her chin on the top of the younger girl's head.

"But I do know this," Stef said. "You're enough for me. More than enough. And I can promise you, I am sticking around for life."

Mariana sniffled, calming down considerably, but not ready to let go and end the comforting contact. "I can't believe you came here after all she's done to you," she said.

"Well I wasn't about to let you come alone," Stef replied, running her fingers through her hair.

Mariana laughed sadly. "I can't believe you came here after all _I__'__ve _done to you," she admitted.

"You've done nothing but bring me joy, love, and premature grey hair," Stef assured her.

"And get you shot," Mariana muttered.

"No," Stef shook her head, breaking off the hug so she could speak to the girl face-to-face. "I got myself shot."

Mariana looked down guiltily. "But you never would've-"

"No," Stef cut her off, tilting Mariana's chin up so she was forced to look her in the eye. "It was my actions alone that led to me getting shot. No one is at fault but me. Not your brother, and not you. You got it?" she asked, her tone tender but stern.

Mariana nodded timidly.

"You made some poor decisions that led to some bad things, I'll admit that, but me getting shot was not one of them, understand?"

"Yes," Mariana said quietly.

"Good," Stef nodded, satisfied, releasing her face.

"But even if you had caused me to get shot," she continued, "I still would've come for you. I'd do anything for you," she said seriously.

Mariana's lips curved up into a small smile. "I love you, mom."

Stef grinned back, patting her leg. "I love you too."

"Even with blonde hair and a pierced nose?" Mariana said cheekily.

Stef narrowed her eyes playfully, relieved at her change in demeanor, even if it was mostly at her expense. "Even with artificial hair and a hole in your face," she rolled her eyes. They heard Jesus' footsteps behind them, and Mariana wiped her face of the last remains of tears. Stef stood before helping her daughter up.

"So…" Mariana mused as Jesus made his way to them. "Does that mean it's safe to pierce my bellybutton?" she teased with a giggle.

Stef sighed, slinging an arm around her shoulders and planting one last kiss to her forehead. "Don't push it, kid."

**Thanks for reading, and I hope you all enjoyed this! Special thanks to my friend Allia for giving me the idea and encouraging me to write this. Your marvelous reviews are always appreciated!**


End file.
